The Doctor Will See You Now …and this one REALLY will!

With a PhD in sex studies, Dr Caroline West gives academic lectures, hosts a podcast, writes for various newspaper columns and is an in-demand media commentator on all aspects of sex,  AND one of our fabulous guest speakers at Viva La Vulva. Challenging the status quo and unveiling the shame from seeking pleasure from sex (I know- in Ireland!), Caroline informs with joy and ease.

 

Caroline, why did you choose your career?

I have a slightly unusual career and multiple jobs which is really odd. I work as a sexual violence manager in a university. I also work as an independent sex educator. I’m the spokesperson for Bumble Ireland & the UK. I have a relationship column in the Irish Independent and my own podcast called Glow West which looks at sex and sexuality. So it’s kinda weird that I do so many jobs! It’s not really what I thought life would be, but I absolutely love it.  I get to talk about the fun, silly, wonderful parts of sex and then also tackle the not-so-fun parts such as sexual violence.  I help people with healing and understanding what has happened to them, investigating the spectrum of behaviours involved.

I also challenge the thinking that if you have sex you’re the worst person in the world, and you’re a sinner and a slut and of course men are legends. All these weird reactions that we have. For people of a certain age I have seen EuroTrash on Channel Four and I love how silly and fun they made sex look- “Oh we’re just going to pretend to be ponies in a field in Germany on a Tuesday”, and it’s like…okay!

And then you look back at Ireland and you’re an awful, awful person for even thinking about sex. So I was always wondering, why are we so weird about it?

Working in social care, I dealt with so many victims of sexual violence and unhealthy relationships and vulnerability. So I see there’s a real space for people to learn about sex education and consent and what healthy relationships are because if you don’t have them, it’s easy to be vulnerable. I always use the analogy - if you don’t know how to drive and I plonk you in a car and put you on the M50 that’s going to be terrifying and you might hurt yourself and other people. And it’s the same with sex. We just don’t throw people out there and say- “Off you go and have sex…” They can be quite vulnerable and also miss out on having amazing, awesome times as well.

So I have this passion to make the world a better place.

I’ve been a victim of sexual violence myself and domestic violence; I don’t want anyone else to have that experience. I don’t want it to be the case, as it has been for the last 10 or so years where, if I’m at a public event about sex that people come up to me afterwards and tell me some of the horrible things they’ve experienced and they’ve suffered in silence for years. I don’t want that to be the case. I want people to be able to know what’s wrong and there is support out there and that they don't have to suffer by themselves. So I am driven by that passion.

Sometimes my day will involve writing a policy for sexual violence and then next I could be on NewsTalk talking about Joe Biden’s sex life! I kinda love the weirdness of it all.

What is the most fulfilling part of what you do?

It’s hard to pick because it’s so lovely at the moment. And I know how privileged I am to have a job that I love, because trust me, I’ve been there in a job that I didn’t love quite as much. But I think I really like when people tell me afterwards, “Oh I was really struggling with something and then I read your column, or I listened to something you spoke about or they’ve interacted with me somehow. Then I went and sought support. I was able to look at the role of shame and stigma and the roles they had played in my life.”

People can realise that it doesn't have to be bad and if it has been bad, there is support out there.  I find it exciting and fulfilling to change the culture that we live in, to make the world a better place for other people. I get paid to do what I really love! So that’s absolutely wonderful to be in that position- I am really lucky. There should be more people doing this work because we all need it, from all different perspectives, pharmaceutical, medical, cultural.  There’s so many ways to make the world a better place.

What is your favourite thing about VLV?

Firstly that it exists! How cool is it that we get to spend a night in a room with so many wonderful women and from all over Ireland, all from different backgrounds, to come together and have the chats for one night? There’s no shaming or judging people. It’s a place where there’s a lot of potential for not just fun, but for healing, for openness, and exploring new pathways to make our lives even better. Whether that’s checking your pelvic floor out, or if it’s looking at the kind of supplements that are right for you, how you can look after your skin and have that nice bit of self-care, or what kind of vibrator to buy, or how to deal with relationship problems. It recognises that so many of us women are dealing with all that on a daily basis.

Life is hard, so why not try and take part in something that makes it a little bit easier? I absolutely love the atmosphere that everyone is there for a good time, and is willing to listen and support each other.

 

What do you think women should know about VLV?

You’re not going to be lectured at, you’re not going to be judged. It’s a nice space to just let your hair down and talk about really important topics that impact your physical health or your sexual health or your mental health. I think we all know how important those areas are. They’ll also have a really good time. You’re not there expected to share anything personal - you don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to. You can just sit and observe and that’s perfectly fine too. It’s a great way to get connected with our bodies, our minds and our hearts, while also having a bit of wine as well. Why not?

 

Was there anything you learned at VLV that you didn’t already know?

For someone who is studying sex and sexuality and writing about it all day and thinking about it, as I do in my work life, yet as soon as you think you know it all, you absolutely don’t! I’ve been working in this area for so long and I learn something new all the time.

When I came along to Viva La Vulva, I learned so much about things like menopause and post birth bodies, and feelings and hormones. I don’t have children so that’s a totally new world for me. I’m 41 now and I’m kinda coming up to perimenopause and menopause and  it slightly terrifies me- but I learned so much about it! I learned how many options, services and products there are to actually help get through that part of my life. But also to realise that there’s support out there and that I don’t have to go through something like that by myself. 

I learned all about skin care because I’ve totally fallen off the wagon. You know yourself, life gets really busy. I was really excited to get back into using Jennifer Rock’s products - the Skin Nerd and her products the Skingredients. I was gifted one and bought one; I absolutely love them!

I learned so much from Shawna- all the different kinds of vibrators- and all the new products on the market that have changed over the years. They look like little miniature works of art these days. Oh and Kyla Cobbler- the comedian! She taught us all about seducing a Spanish lover- so that was new!

 

Phew! So there you have it ladies, from being comfortable in your own skin, in and out of bed, on the highway and in Spain…. We cover it all at Viva La Vulva!

 

Hope to see you all in Dublin soon!

Laura x