The gap between what we're told and what it actually is 

This conversation with Becca, an antenatal educator, parenting expert and founder of A Mother Place, kept circling one thing: the distance between what we're told motherhood will feel like and what it can actually be. Becca talks about feeling like an unnatural mother in those early weeks, the loneliness of the long hours between feeds, and a kind of rage that could surge from nothing to overwhelming over something as small as spilled milk. It's often waved away as tiredness. Becca is clear that it can feel like a great deal more than that. 

Asking for help, and being handed a leaflet 

One of the harder moments in this conversation is the day Becca asked her GP for help and was sent to a psychiatric unit, only to be handed a leaflet and told to count to ten. It’s a small detail that says a lot about how thin the support can be for mothers who are struggling, and how much courage it takes to ask in the first place. 

The sadness that has a name

Becca also names something many people have never heard of: D-MER, or dysphoric milk ejection reflex, a wave of crushing sadness that hit her at every let-down and disappeared again moments later. Distinct from postnatal depression, D-MER can be incredibly confusing, and it was years before Becca understood what had been happening in her own body. Knowing it has a name can make it easier to carry. 

What changes between two people, and what balance actually means 

From there, the conversation moves into how a relationship shifts after a baby arrives, why bonding doesn't always happen instantly, and how much communication matters when two people are adjusting to a completely new life at the same time. Becca also talks about a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that nearly went unnoticed, and how she's come to believe that the meaning of life isn't some grand pursuit. It's simply finding your own balance. 

If you're a mother who has ever felt like you weren't loving every moment, this is a reminder that you're not failing, and you're far from alone. 

Have a listen now wherever you get your podcasts.