In today’s blog we are tackling a very common feeling in midlife- loneliness. Something many of us feel from time to time seems more frequent and intense in midlife with the most common age for loneliness at 35.
Ironically, we are not alone in our loneliness. So commonplace is this feeling in society as a whole and the mental health challenges associated with it, that the UK proposed in 2016 A Minister for Loneliness, a cross party plan to help identify and support those who feel lonely. The WHO in November 2023 identified loneliness as a “pressing health threat.” Closer to home, a recent Irish Times article revealed that Ireland is no stranger to this malaise with up to 30% of the population admitting feeling alone.
Why Does Midlife Feel Lonely?
Like so many things in life, it’s complicated. Online life means less in person interactions. Modern life has allowed us many great technological advances, yet despite our hyperconnectivity online, we feel less connected in real life. We are more often working from home, so meeting up with colleagues has become more limited, if only at the office tea room. I did a podcast on loneliness, weight gain and low libido with Dr Sarah Callaghan here.
Zooms and FaceTimes by far beat the once weekly (if that) exorbitantly expensive overseas calls from relatives taken in the draughty hallway. But we may have overdone things a bit.
How many of us have texted friends more than meet them for a coffee, or even picked up the phone to have a chat?
The Change of Menopause and the “Empty Nest”
Midlife brings great change. The biggest, of course, is the hormonal roller coaster of perimenopause. But changes in life circumstances, a new job, a new house can all add to the feeling of being out of sorts. Grown up kids may be moving out of the home (obviously if you’re older than 35…), and the new empty nest requires focusing again on your relationship with your partner, and yourself.
Some find new purpose & freedom- YIPPEE! Others may find too much time on their hands: what will I do with myself…?
How Can We Feel Better in Life’s Transitions?
A problem shared is a problem halved.
I’m a firm believer in sharing your problems (not burdening people with them though- that’s not what I mean). Often you’ll feel less alone. You’re not the only one going through things. I found this to be the case particularly during the Viva La Vulva tour. Women came from all over to discuss and hear solutions to their health concerns that they thought only they suffered. I was told by so many women how energised they felt after the event- it was not only jam packed full of information, but the night itself, the camaraderie was infectious and uplifting.
Join All The Clubs!
We know we are social creatures. Even the shyest amongst us needs the company of others. Maybe going out has become less affordable these days, but you don’t need to spend a fortune to feel the wealth of good company. I know the pull of wearing PJ’s and staying in to watch Netflix- who doesn’t? However, usually I feel great after a night out with friends.
Sea Swimming 🏊
There’s no shortage of sea swimming locations and gatherings around the country these days. There’s very often a cuppa and some cake after with the chats.
Sports or Drama 🎾
Was there a sport you loved growing up? Or were you the class thespian, always ready to perform? Explore those parts of yourself that you may have forgotten. You’d be surprised at how good it feels to rekindle those earlier talents…
Volunteerism and Charity Work
There are so many community organisations who would be delighted to have another pair of hands on deck. Giving back is a way to help others and ourselves through a newfound sense of purpose outside of our own ruminations.
🌳Local Gatherings- Walk and Talks
Get a Dog! Or a cat… or a fish. They’re great company and always happy to see you. Walking the dog- yours or someone else’s - is a great way to meet with other people. Even if it’s just a chat about the weather, humans need these daily interactions.
Lunchtime workouts, walks and talks are always a breath of fresh air. Start a WhatsApp with fellow colleagues and neighbours to gather people who’d like to join.
Tap into local events, the theatre, open lectures, or farmer’s markets. There is something for everyone out there with a common interest.
And I can’t finish off without saying how thankful I am for this community! From our IRL get-togethers for Viva La Vulva 💜- to my cooking Instagram lives (The Airfryer Diaries…) and our Sunday Confession boxes- you’ve kept me going and on my toes. It's been great meeting you in person along the way & I look forward to meeting more of you soon….
Here’s to cheering each other on!
Laura x
